I'm not entirely sure how much longer I can stand it. These belligerent right-wing headcases are beginning to get on my very last nerve. No, I don't mean the politicians...even though Frist, Santorum, Cornyn, Brownback and their Grand Poobah, "Terrible" Tommy DeLay, are obviously nothing more than garbage wrapped in skin.
I'm referring to the rabid, extra-chromosome, knuckle-dragging mutants who love to wave flags--Confederate, US or both--who claim that they're the only REAL Christians and who conduct themselves with all the urbane savoir faire of schoolyard bullies. They're the rabble, the riffraff, the rank-and-file enablers who proudly voted for Mr. Bring-Em-On and who consider anyone to the left of Zell Miller a liberal elitist, a pathological liar, a swindler, a subversive, a pickpocket, a terrorist sympatizer or all of the above.
Is there any talking to these people?
Answer inside...
(With special thanks to Mr. Tony D'Astolfo for inspiration and insight.)
I'll bet you know some of these troglodytes personally...why, you might easily be related to one or more. It's a lead-pipe cinch that you've run across them in Web forums and on message boards. And you can bet your last piaster that some of them are reading this RIGHT NOW, terrified that they must keep tabs on the latest skullduggery the left is cooking up; this is one site they particularly hate and fear. (I wonder how Kos feels, knowing he's one of their prime boogeymen...)
You have to know the ones I mean; they stick out like sore thumbs after just a few moments of casual conversation. Simple litmus test: Mention the economy. If your target expresses reservations--about the deficits, gasoline prices, the plunging stock market, anything at all--you are engaging a kindred spirit. If they think everything is just jim-dandy and getting better, then you know you've got a heavy kool-aid consumer on your hands.
Thumbnail sketch of Wingnuttus Subhumanus: They seem slightly irritated almost all the time, on the verge of apoplectic anger, completely out of proportion to the situation. It's as if they've got indigestion, fallen arches and a toothache. Opinionated and vociferous. Short fuse, low boiling point and zero tolerance for disagreement. Repressed. Grudge holders and whiney complainers. Often poorly educated, functionally illiterate and avid television watchers. As likely as not, spousal abusers if they're male. Uncritical believers that every word out of Michael Savage's anti-Semitic mouth is the gospel truth...and skeptical of any news other than Fox. They may, once again, if they're male, be firmly convinced that Ann (the man) Coulter is both hilariously funny and hot.
When the subject of politics rears its head--as it invariably does in these New Dark Ages--their emotions bubble willy-nilly to the surface and their rational thought processes, such as they are, come to a screeching halt. They stop listening entirely to what's being said and downshift into delusional agitprop mode. Their vocal volume goes up and they hijack the discussion, spouting regressive Republican talking points a if hypnotized and programmed by Karl "Turdblossom" Rove himself. And woe to any who might attempt to confuse them with the facts! They'll turn on that poor soul in a New York second and assault not their arguments...but their motives. These right-wing robots are masters of the sucker-punch ad hominem attack. Suddenly their opponent is deemed "hateful," "un-American," or, worse yet, "ANTI-American." (You can, of course, appreciate the pungent irony of being called "hateful" by a disciple of Malkin, Coulter or Savage.) If you stumble across one of the really foamy ones, you can watch them pronounce their critics "guilty of treason" or " a traitor." (The poisonous Powerline blog has very nearly trademarked this technique.)
Rude rightie specimens are cropping up in altogether unexpected places, too. I encountered one at a George Carlin show back in December. Why any toys-in-the-attic Republican would even bother buying a ticket to an event that featured the most outspoken and outrageously anti-political figure I can name offhand is quite beyond me. (Maybe he was searching for liberal bias..?) The conclusion was inevitable--Carlin eviscerated the creature in about 20 seconds to howls of laughter.
Okay, you blighters. I'm about sick of this conservative crap...and I'm serving notice here and now. Enough is enough. Too much is also enough.
The virulent strain of neoconservative/religious fundamentalist/fascists currently in power have demonstrated no dicernible trace of scruples. Howard Dean has called them "evil," "corrupt," and "brain-dead." (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/04/24/AR2005042401160.html) They are obnoxious and reprehensible at the very least...and a danger to the future of our democracy at worst. They have not only hijacked American prosperity, they have subverted our very sense of what this country represents. They have corrupted the discourse until everything is now lies, vitriol, accusation and spin.
Not acceptable.
We already know that the American Taliban wants to turn the clock back to a time of fear and superstition. (http://www.anternet.org/thenews/newsdesk/N01578832.htm) The snake-handlers have been having a rerun of the John. T. Scopes "Monkey Trial;" not a debate over the TEACHING of evolution, but they debated the theory itself!! How scary is THAT? (Available evidence indicates that reason prevailed...but that the Kansas State Board, overbalanced 6-4 by Rapture right psychopaths, intends to implement the teaching of the latest version of creationism--Intelligent Design, by name--anyway.) Do we have to have this exact same polemic every 80 years? At this rate, can witchcraft trials be far behind?
C'mon! Does this kind or retrograde idiocy even deserve to be dignified with a public hearing? I submit that it does not. This 'Intelligent Design' hogwash is simpleton pseudo-science because it BEGINS WITH ITS CONCLUSION!! Rather than observing where empirical evidence and experimentation might lead--the venerated Scientific Method, doncha know--these crackpots and charlatans twist facts to fit their pre-conceived outcome and ignore any contradictory data. Such benighted, willful ignorance scares the living daylights out of me. When did sanity slink silently away...and how come I didn't notice??
It must always be remembered that these fundamentalist nutbars are what I like to call a vivid minority; what they lack in membership, they make up for in obstreperousness. They can be highly visible, nearly deafening and impossible to ignore...but there really aren't that many of them, percentage-wise. James Dobson, Gary Cass, Pat Robertson and Pusgut Falwell speak only for a splinter group, a foaming lunatic fringe of Pharisees where "turn the other cheek" (Mt 5:39) and "love thee thine enemies" have no place. Militant Christianity is a true oxymoron. Faithful folk who actually believe in and live daily by the words of their faith need not apply to this burgeoning madness. If you doubt the truth of this, I cordially invite you to Google up "Christian Reconstructionists" and "Christian Identity." And be prepared for stark raving madness in the name of the Nazarene.
Talking to people like this, who will accept no data--however factual and indisputable--to the contrary, can be a trying, frustrating maddening experience...and sometimes cannot be avoided. Your conversational options are dictated by your relationship with the person mouthing such extremist obscenities. Apart from merely ignoring the verbal flotsam and jetsam or perfunctorily agreeing with it for the sake of momentary peace, I have a few alternativs to offer.
You could go the George Galloway route. The British Respect MP for Bethnal Green and Bow stood toe-to-toe with the wankers and gave them the rough edge of his tongue. (http://www.commondreams.org/views05/0517-35.htm)
T'was a joy to behold; he told them in no uncertain terms that they were full of baloney and that they sold their Iraq invasion on "a pack of lies." A bit of venting is good for the soul.
Dittoheads are notoriously predictable in their utter lack of originality. Their talking points will generally come at you verbatim, direct from the lips of Limbaugh, Hannity, O'Reilly or whoever. (These are crafted for ease of memory and regurgitation, of course; the GOP's message machine knows full well that its foot soldiers are not the sharpest pencils in the desk.) It also guarantees that they cannot be current. Your average flying monkey isn't well-read to begin with. It is a sad fact, and one only exacerbated by television, that most people don't read these days...many because they can't. Just look at the declining newspaper circulation figures! Recent statistics on functional illiteracy are almost frightening, the result of a concerted long-term right-wing offensive against public education. (They have NEVER liked it and still don't; it violates their ideology of class separation which says poor people should remain stupid and servile, fit only for the most menial tasks. That's another whole diary, however...)
Television, in case you didn't know it, is NOT a news medium. It is an advertising medium, an extension of the corporate Leviathan which exhorts viewers continually to buy, to spend, to consume. Detailed, exhastive news coverage is just not possible, even on the cable channels where they must fit as many plugs and product placements and commercials into each hour of air-time as possible. (In the movie "Robocop," Media Break's "Give us three minutes, we'll give you the world" was obvious satire. CNN, however, says virtually the same thing...and they're deadly serious.)
In order to be truly informed, it is necessary to read...and not just one newspaper, either, as each contains its own biases and shortcomings. The Internet is home to splendid news sites like Truthout, Buzzflash and Information Clearing House that offer a spectrum of coverages while your very best blogs like Smirking Chimp, TV News Lies and this one--take a bow, blogfather!--serve up both fact and trenchant commentary on a timely basis. Here, then, is your armament against the right's homogenized propaganda and spin: Factual up-to-the-minute news coverage from around the world is Kryptonite to the Know Nothing Republicans. Use it!!
Let's face it: Most conservatives are insipid, shoddy thinkers who have a proclivity for offering their opinions as fact. This is the result of ideological stultification and a weird tunnel-vision which allows them to see only what they want to see. For them, this is not only a tolerable state of affairs, it is PREFERABLE. They start from the conclusion they want and work backwards. Sound familiar? It's what they think that scholarship means. Their concept of information input is wholly utilitarian: they judge knowledge not by its accuracy, but by its usefulness. They devoutly believe things that, if they aren't true, then they "ought to be." Intellectual dishonesty of the first water, flimsy reasoning and non-analytical interpretation. Taking them at their word--for ANYTHING!--is simply out of the question. Make them prove their statements EVERY TIME and never allow them to lapse into those glittering generalities they like to substitute for rational thought. You'll find that, when pressed, they can rarely account for the background of the very talking points that trip so lightly off their tongues. Never fail to hold them accountable! Harlan Ellison likes to say "Everyone is NOT entitled to their opinion; everyone is only entitled to an INFORMED opinion."
There is no reason to concede such hooligans a point. Ever. Turdblossom Rove is devious and sly...but not even he is almighty. His largely lumpen minions are, to be blunt, dumber than a bag of hammers. This is the major reason that the cheap-labor conservatives had to spend billions upon billions to construct such an impressive top-down system of information distribution. Don't be shy about pointing out that they can't think very well for themselves. Expose the right's balderdash for what it is and show them--repeatedly, because it won't sink in otherwise!--how they are being victimized just like everyone else. You could do worse than to sow doubts among the faithful...and it's so easy! Continually point out facts that undermine Republican policies. "Deficits make ALL Americans poorer by reducing the purchasing power of their money...and shifting massive government revenues to the wealthy--often in other nations!--in the form of interest on the debt." "US Real Wages Fall At Fastest Rate in 14 Years" (Financial Times, 5/11/05) "High wage jobs are being exported overseas, only to be replaced by low-wage 'service' jobs." "Healthcare costs are soaring and Americans are being asked to shoulder an increasing share of the burden" ("If America Is Richer, Why Are Its Families So Much Less Secure?" L.A. Times, 10/10/04) There are literally hundreds of these factoids along with abundant documentation to be found at the Internet news sites I mentioned earlier. Why even the Christian Science Monitor has started sounding decidedly leftist!
There is no reason to argue wedge isues as a general rule. They are loaded with pitfalls and even if you are sufficiently informed to side-step the emotional baggage, you'll find that debating them turns out to be a tremendous expenditure of energy for questionable gain. Force the wingnuts instead to focus on current events where you know they are weak...the coming filibuster fight, for example. There is much more traction to be gained that way...and it keeps their eye on the ball.
Take a tip from the GOP demographic analysts and focus groups: Language is crucial to the context of the debate. DON'T USE THEIRS!! That's all there is to it. Refer to the NUCLEAR option and the PRIVATIZATION of Social Security. Don't let those blighters off the hook by using terminology which essentially masks the corrosive nature of their agenda. And never, ever, bother wiggling out of their talking points; do not allow them to frame YOU! Instead, take the argument outside and away from their box; utilizing YOUR frame, you can turn their very own words against them. It subverts the entire thrust of the discussion...and they hate it like Dracula hates crucifixes!
Finally, you must not underestimate the power of humor. While sarcasm, condescenscion and even outright, creative nastiness provide a certain immediate gratification, the right has NO defense against ridicule. Take a lesson from the great satirists Johnathan Swift and Mark Twain...or their modern-day counterparts like Chris Rock and my favorite cranky curmugeon, George Carlin. Making poeple laugh at the radical reactionaries' obvious absurdities has tremendous power because they, themselves, are so humorless. There are few more effective ways of dealing with a windbag than poking him with sharply pointed jokes. If you need help in this area, look to our super-snarky left-wing bloggers. Some of my favorites include Rude Pundit, Digby, Crooks & Liars, Oliver Willis, Rev. Mykeru...and maybe you've discovered some that hit YOUR hole card. Use them to keep these conservative cockroaches on the run until next year's election when we throw the bums out!!
Stay tuned for Part II where I show in disturbing detail just what the Rip-Off Republicans have done to us over the last three decades, the dog's dinner they've made of our great nation.
Coming Soon: THE RUINATION OF AMERICA